
Funerals can be tough. I remember as a kid, visitation would often last several days with a funeral at the end. Now sometimes someone might be lucky to have a graveside service. I think some of the problem is that death is inconvenient for the living, and death scares us a little. We would rather avoid it altogether because we may not know what to say to someone who has just lost a loved one. Our culture, for the most part, hates silence (maybe not the mother of three small children). We feel the need to say something to the grieving because the silence is worse. Sometimes we just end up repeating what we have heard or maybe what has been said to us. I think some pretty horrible things are said at funeral visitations.
Well-intentioned people say things like: “It was for the best,” or “Some good will come of this,” or “God just needed another rose for His garden,” and the list could go on. There may be the rare occurrence that one of these statements is helpful, but most of the time they are not. Some of these statements might be true, but do you really think the line at the visitation is the place for these comments? It might be that you need to have a deep, theological discussion with the grieving at some point but probably not at the funeral.
So what do you say and do? I was in a grief class once, and the teacher suggested that you hug them and hush. I think about Job’s friends who did a great job when they sat with him and kept their mouths shut. They got in trouble when they started talking. I might suggest some simple things to say if you need to speak: “I am so sorry for your loss,” or “Your loved one had such a great impact on my life,” or “I am praying for you” (really pray for them or do not say it). Let us weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).