What to Say When You Do Not Know What to Say

Funerals can be tough. I remember as a kid, visitation would often last several days with a funeral at the end. Now sometimes someone might be lucky to have a graveside service. I think some of the problem is that death is inconvenient for the living, and death scares us a little. We would rather avoid it altogether because we may not know what to say to someone who has just lost a loved one. Our culture, for the most part, hates silence (maybe not the mother of three small children). We feel the need to say something to the grieving because the silence is worse. Sometimes we just end up repeating what we have heard or maybe what has been said to us. I think some pretty horrible things are said at funeral visitations.

Well-intentioned people say things like: “It was for the best,” or “Some good will come of this,” or “God just needed another rose for His garden,” and the list could go on. There may be the rare occurrence that one of these statements is helpful, but most of the time they are not. Some of these statements might be true, but do you really think the line at the visitation is the place for these comments? It might be that you need to have a deep, theological discussion with the grieving at some point but probably not at the funeral.

So what do you say and do? I was in a grief class once, and the teacher suggested that you hug them and hush. I think about Job’s friends who did a great job when they sat with him and kept their mouths shut. They got in trouble when they started talking. I might suggest some simple things to say if you need to speak: “I am so sorry for your loss,” or “Your loved one had such a great impact on my life,” or “I am praying for you” (really pray for them or do not say it). Let us weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).

Summer Series Review

I hope our Summer Series was helpful to you. The purpose was to look at men and women of God and see some lessons we can learn from their faith. We brought in a variety of men to speak to us from the same Bible but with different personalities. I hope at least one if not all of them connected with you and helped your faith grow.

What can we learn from Hebrews chapter eleven to help us? First, we learn what faith is. Verse one tells us we have an assurance of the things we hope for. This hope is not a maybe or hopefully, but it is sure and true. It also is a conviction that, even though I have not experienced some things with my senses (seeing God for example), I believe them to be true. Second, from verse two we learn that this is how we gain the approval of God. And third, verse six tells us about the importance of faith. Without it, I cannot please God. How dare I come to Him and not believe He is who He says He is or can do what He says He can do.

The rest of the chapter seems to be filled with examples of men and women trying to live this faith out. We seem to be getting the highlights with lessons about Noah, Abraham, and Moses. They are some great highlights. The ark, offering the child of promise, and leaving Egypt to lead God’s people. These people accomplished great things by having faith in God. We, too, can accomplish great things for God when we step out in faith. We also know the rest of the stories about these people. They had some lowlights as well, like being drunk, lying, and striking the rock. These people were like us. Sometimes they did not have the faith they needed to and failed. For most of us our faith will have its ups and downs, also. I think the important thing is not to give up but to keep your faith. Are you pleasing God with your faith?

Responding to the Invitation

Sunday night Hannah asked me if we had had many responses lately. I mentioned that we had some that morning (she was on a retreat that morning). Then I began to think about it and thought of several more. I want to share some thoughts about those responses.

First, thank you to those who respond. What a humble heart that requires. What a heart of seeking after the will of God that requires. None of us are perfect, but what an example of desiring to live your life for Jesus even when it is not easy. Thank you for trusting your church family to carry your name before the throne of God. (I hope we are doing that as the family of God.) Thank you for being an example for the rest of us.

Second, I want to thank those who help. Thank you to those who come forward with those who respond. The walk up front can be a lonely, scary thing, but what a blessing to have your brothers and sisters show up to support you. Thank you to those who show up after services. To those who say, “The Mexican restaurant can wait. I need to welcome a new child of God or encourage a brother or sister in Christ.” How would you want someone to treat you if you responded? Matthew 7:12

Third, the reason Hannah knew there had been so many responses is that her class was sending out cards of encouragement. Thank you to those who send cards, texts, or make phone calls to check in to encourage.

I have to remember I am no better than those who respond. I sin and struggle daily and have thought many times that I should respond as well. I am thankful for a Savior who makes it possible for forgiveness of sins. I do not deserve His sacrifice, and yet He willingly gave His life that I could be right with God. I am thankful for the Lord’s invitation where I can find the things I need the most. Let me encourage you to respond to His invitation to be like Him.